April 5, 2022 (Lent week 5)

 

This last Sunday, April 3 in church as I was in a pew at the far back of the church and as everyone began to process to the altar for communion, I began to reflect on journeys. The church year sees many different journeys, both in liturgy, and in its people, so it felt very fitting that my readings for reflection included 3 of the psalms of songs of ascent; Psalms 121, 122, and 123.

         Throughout the entire service I found myself reflecting on how St. Augustine’s has grown, changed, and adapted over the 8 years I have attended. This came in thinking of the journeys of others in the parish over the years, wondering how Alex is in grade 12 already, hoping that David is enjoying his time on the island, gratitude for everything that Muriel has done during her years, amazement in the wonderful clergy of past and present. As these thoughts came and went, I began to reflect that everyone else has also seen my journey over the last eight years. I whispered to my partner that it’s incredible how we all change over the years. While my parents got to see me grow from a baby to an eighteen year old, I feel like the church family of St. Augustine’s has been there as I’ve grown through my twenties and now find myself very close to the end of that decade.

         The psalms included in the readings for today are all songs of ascent, songs that were recited by the Jewish people as they made the pilgrimage to Jerusalem for three annual festivals, Passover, Shavout, and Sukkot. The songs of ascent are very hopeful and yearning in nature. These spoke to me as I reflected on a variety of journeys that have occurred over the time I have rediscovered my faith. The line “I lift up my eyes to the mountains – where does my help come from?” Psalm 121:1, particularly struck me as I think about how I have managed struggles during my time at the church. Whether it is a season of incredible busyness, a break in faith, or mental or physical illness, I have found myself trying to “put my head down” and get through it, even most recently in the month of March. These words come from my mouth on a regular basis. However, this passage directly reminds me to not do that and to look directly from where my help comes, the Lord. It is so much the intention during times of stress to focus on the main priorities that are most clear and forget the most important priority that is most likely to make everything else manageable, faith in the Lord.

We must look up and endeavour to see the larger picture even when we cannot so everything else can become clear. This also makes sense as we return to the theme of journeys. I remember at so many times that I have been so frustrated and angry, almost in the spirit of a toddler-grade temper tantrum, that things had not yet worked out for me just as (I figured) they ought. This particularly came as I went through my fair share of poor relationship choices in my twenties. I always tried to remind myself that God had a plan and I just didn’t get to know it yet, dare I say the knowledge was out of my pay-grade. This has also played out in other areas of my life as well, but not always in such clear contrast. We see this in the reading in Exodus as well, that God has a plan to stir the ire of the Pharaoh and while the Israelites could not see what was at work, it was God’s greater plan to free them from enslavement.

As life gets difficult and feels like too much, let us remind ourselves to not look down at each individual step, but to raise our eyes to the mountains and trust in God, for we don’t get to know what he has in store, but we sure do get to enjoy in the journey.

 

- Meagan Thorlakson